Bobby Delightful

Sangas, Brosnan and $20k Sex Toys - Interview with Liz

Bobby Delightful
Sangas, Brosnan and $20k Sex Toys - Interview with Liz

BD: Hello Elizabeth It’s Bobby Delightful.

 Liz: Hey Bobby! Feel free to call me Liz for short!

 BD: Hello Liz, Apparently had I been born female, Elizabeth would of been my name too. It’s also my daughter’s middle name. Did you want to use a pseudonym for the purposes of this interview?

 Liz: That's a lovely little fact! My dad wanted to call me Fiona. I'm happy to use my real name, thanks for asking!

  BD: No worries, So can I start by asking the classic 3, Where are you from in the universe, how old are you and who do you think the best James Bond was?

 Liz: Alrighty. I'm from Melbourne, Australia - originally born in Takapuna on the North Island of New Zealand. I'm twenty, and my fave Bond has to be Pierce Brosnan because he's the first I ever saw. Coincidentally, the first video game I ever played was Golden Eye on the N64.

 BD: You have no clue how happy that makes me, we have the best Bond argument in the shop weekly and everyone is on the Daniel Craig hype, I’m not about it. It’s Brosnan all the way. I have a theory about Pierce Brosnan - would you like to hear it?

 Liz: Naaah fuck 'em, Brosnan all the way! Always love a theory, go for it.

 BD: You can replace any lead character, male or female, animated or live action - with Pierce Brosnan and it immediately makes the film 70% better. Ill allow that to sink in as you Imagine him playing Rose in Titanic, Maverick in Top Gun and Shrek in Shrek.

 Liz: That's a very strong statistic, how interesting! I like your choice of examples and would immediately sit down to watch those films starring Brosnan back to back to back. No sleep, only Brosnan.

 BD: Exactly!

Liz: Did you see him in Mama Mia? Because that was a riot.

BD: We don’t talk about Mama Mia at the shop because it discredits my theory.

 Liz: Nobody talks about Mama Mia.

BD: Additionally, and I should of mentioned this at the start, if there are any questions you don’t want to answer - for any reason, just let me know and I will remove the question from the interview.

Liz: No problem.

BD: Ok - Next question I don’t know what time it is over in Melbourne but have you had breakfast and if so what did you have?

 Liz: Well today's eatings were pretty crap, as I had to rush out this morning. So all I had was one of those chocolate sponge roll things as I left my apartment. Super nutritious, obviously. Usually I'll have a toasted ham, cheese, and salad sanga (sandwich). It's currently 3:36am btw haha I'm crap at sleeping.

 BD: Sandwiches are called Sangas over there? That’s wild - I’ve never heard that before! Your breakfast sounds inadequate but I’m in no place to judge because for breakfast I had a Red bull and 2 cigarettes.

 Liz: Sanga or sammich, but sanga is more Aussie for sure. Snag sangas are popular - you buy them for like $2 at fundraising barbecues hosted out the front of Bunnings hardware stores. They consist of the cheapest sliced white bread money can buy, an equally cheap sausage cooked on a grubby old barbie, sliced barbecued onions, and tomato sauce and mustard. Creatives tend to suck at planning breakfast meals adequately… or any meals, for that matter.

 BD: Oh shit that sounds fucking amazing, I wouldn’t know whether to eat that or flirt with it.

 Liz: Usually both. Some legend of a bloke got fined recently for flying a drone to Bunnings to pick up his snag sanga for him while he hung out in the hot tub in his backyard.

 BD: A fine? Fuck that - he deserves a medal for ingenuity.

 Liz: Fuckin' oath - he's a national hero!

BD: So what do you do for a living?

Liz: I'm a retail sales assistant and fine art nude model. Starting study next year - will be doing a diploma of counseling before starting my psychology degree.

 BD: That’s awesome! Do you have an end goal with the psychology degree and counseling diploma?

 Liz: Yeah so it's all a pathway to practicing as a clinical psychologist. After that I'll be pursuing a study pathway to become a clinical sexologist, but I'm quite limited in my options there at the moment.

 BD: As in there aren’t a lot of jobs in the field?

 Liz: Oh no, tons of work! Sexologist services are more and more in demand! Just not many places offer that kind of qualification. Only two universities in Australia, both interstate.

 BD: Ah I see, that sucks! So what services does a sexologist provide then?

 Liz: So it's counseling in regards to sex and sexuality. So, for example, I would be counseling couples who are having problems with mismatched libidos, or trans people who want to learn how to enjoy sex while experiencing gender dysphoria centred around their genitals, or victims of sexual abuse who want to learn to experience sexuality positively again, or women who have miscarriaged and are feeling disconnected from their genitals and sexuality, etc. Also things like sex education as well.

 BD: That’s fucking amazing, I tip my hat to you for entering into such a profession. What’s Sex Education like in Australia currently?

 Liz: Thanks! I'm super inspired by it! When I went through high school sex ed, it was completely opt-in. I chose to take an elective class in year 9 called Human Sexuality. It was a half-year class, and covered mostly things like the physical functions of conception and pregnancy, genital biology, and STDs of course. There was very little discussion about non-heterosexual sex, or about sexuality in general. It was very much biology-based. There was absolutely NO discussion regarding consent, sexual violence, or any of that important stuff, which I find very frustrating and I hope to help change.

 BD: That needs to change, absolutely; it sounds like you got a considerably more comprehensive sex education than I did. When I was in school we watched a sex education video, a real man and a woman get undressed and then they turned into cartoons and the narrator starts describing what’s happening and everything he’s saying is ‘The Woman lays on her back so the man can enter her” “The Man moves in and out of the womans vagina in order to stimulate himself” “The Man ejaculates” man man man and I remember thinking then - what’s in this for the woman? And where the fuck is the foreplay like I’d seen in the videos my dad used to hide inside the police academy video boxes? Sex education is so insanely important. Especially giving kids information on consent and sexual violence.

 Liz: I think there is still an inherent and strongly implied gender-bias in sex education. The entirety of my first sexual relationship, which lasted a year and a half, was centered around my male partner's pleasure. The only good thing I got out of it was becoming a skilled lover and seductress (so I'm told), and connecting with someone I loved. I didn't experience orgasm or plateau (which is the general feeling of pleasure you get throughout sex) until much later, by myself. Foreplay is so underrated and important, and I wish more people considered this a normal part of sex! Additionally, there were some pretty sexy scenes in the Police Academy films. You can't say that hardass female cop didn't get you at least a little hot!

 BD: Motormouth Jones was the hottest thing in Police Academy.

 Liz: Also, I find porn super unsexy. It's all such a performance, and there's no genuine humanity and sensuality, so I feel utterly disconnected from it. Real sex is where it's at. Not that porn can't show a real sexual experience, but you have to do a lot of digging to find pornos which are centered around a legitimate and consensual connection between partners - however many are involved. I wish kids were taught about consent from a very early age. As a child, I resented being obligated to kiss and hug random adults - people I barely knew. I wish I had the choice to say no, but I know that this behavior would have been perceived as rude and unladylike. I want the coming generations of children to grow up having control over their bodies and what they choose to do with them. “May I give you a hug?” “No? That's totally fine, good on you for making a decision you're comfortable with”. I wish I had grown up with this, rather than having to learn healthy consensual behaviours when I'm already 1/4 of the way through my life.

 BD: Damn, I’ll be honest I have never once thought about the hugging thing...that makes so much sense though.....That’s crazy. My kids are going to get that taught to them, thank you.

 Liz: Not many people do think about it because that's just how we were all brought up. I feel a responsibility to promote that awareness, which I hope is something I can achieve more of in my future career.

BD: So on the subject of unsexy porn, which I agree with you on, is there anything pornography wise that does tick your boxes?

 Liz: I find that a difficult question to answer. I haven't watched porn in a long time. I used to on occasion when I was 14 - 17, but not a lot since. Even then, I skipped through a lot of it because I never really enjoyed it much. I love to see more diversity in the sex industry, though. That's definitely a positive! The only one I've watched in the past few years was one of a guy with two fully functional penises. That was interesting.

 BD: Double dick dude off tumblr?

 Liz: Nah he was some pornstar named Two-Dick Tommy. His dicks were one on top of the other vertically rather than next to each other horizontally like double dick dudes.

 BD: That’s amazing, Go Tommy. Have you ever heard of a porno film called Edward Penis Hands?

 Liz: I have! I've seen screenshots from it, looked… interesting

BD: It ruined Tim Burtons work for me.

Liz: Did you see the porno written by 4chan or Reddit or something? Apparently it involves a guy wearing a bane mask, both on his face and on his dick.

 BD: I haven’t seen this 4chan porno but I will totally investigate the fuck out of it because it sounds hectic.

Liz: It is apparently spectacularly cringey and full of memes. Enjoy! Haha

BD: So, no porn during masturbation - do you just go to the “wank bank” in your mind?

 Liz: I fantasize, yes, absolutely! But mostly I don't need any kind of imagery - I just focus on the feelings in the moment and enjoy connecting with myself. Though I do have a few people I may sext with on occasion, which can be a lot of fun! I love sharing my body with people, so I really enjoy exploring that in both a sexual and non-sexual artistic context.

 BD: If I try the fantasy route I get too hung up on details, my mind is way, WAY too visual, I need to know what cotton thread the duvet is and what detergent they’ve used, I have allergies. It’s kind of annoying.

Liz: Oh my god, me too. When I dream, it's great. But when I wake up and want to continue fantasizing it takes me a fucking hour just to get through another two minutes of the scene because I'm perfecting it down to every detail. I love all of that in real life though - I have anxiety so I'm always very aware of my surroundings, so it allows me to really push my senses and use them to create a super sensual experience with scents, textures, tastes, etc. I love how the ambience of a sexual environment can change how you enjoy the sex itself.

BD: So, you’re in your mind bank, in fantasyland and are you more a hardware or software user?

  Liz: Not sure what you mean by hardware and software! Can you elaborate?

 BD: Hardware = Sex toys - Software = hands.

 Liz: Ahh! Both, for me. It's actually pretty important to vary it, because if you orgasm too often using the same methods, you risk becoming desensitized and so it gets more difficult to orgasm. So I switch out the sensations I like. My favorite at the moment is this fabulous vibrating necklace - the Vesper from a brand called Crave. I wear it out - looks fabulous between the breasts, starts some fun conversations, and is good if the night gets sexy!

 BD: That’s awesome, I have a Krusty the Klown pendant, it doesn’t vibrate. How do you feel about sex toys that are made to look like real dicks?

 Liz: I think they're great! It's nice to keep the connection between sex toys and realistic anatomy. I love the variety that's out there in the sex toy world. My favorites tend to be pretty, sculptural things. I'm a design freak, so I like to have cool ones to put on display and show off!

 BD: I am also a sucker for design; I’m with you there. I once brought this thing that looked like a table tennis bat but the paddle was stretchy rubber with a hole in the middle and you’re meant to put your dick inside it and then thrash around like a maniac, it was cool, it was different but I clocked myself in the nuts one too many times so it had to go. I’ve got to say, in my opinion; womens sex toys are way cooler than mens sex toys. We have fleshlights, pocket pussys which are just fleshlights minus the plastic tube and if you’re super rich - we have “real dolls” which are creepy as a motherfucker.

 Liz: You should look into things like masturbation sleeves - Tenga is a good brand for that - and maybe vibrating cock rings, sheaths etc. There's more out there! But there are lots of things you can do with vulvas and vaginas, so there is a pretty huge range of toys for that. You should also watch the film Lars and the Real Girl - very psychologically interesting, and it involves one of those real dolls. I have my eye on a particular bullet vibrator - it's beautiful, looks kind of like that chrome bean sculpture thing you see on the Internet (in Chicago or something?), but it's gold plated. Very expensive, probably need a sugar daddy.

 BD: Every time I’ve used a cock ring I panic that my dick looks like it’s going to explode. I will check out Tenga though - thank you. How expensive are we talking for the bullet vibrator?

 Liz: You don't have to get tight cock rings, try some looser ones if you'd like! If you want to look into sex toys, have a look at ohjoysextoy.com where they do comics reviewing toys and educating about the different facets of sex and sexuality. For the gold plated one, like $14k - VERY expensive.

 BD: I will check the site out - thank you! 14k? Fuck me, that’s a deposit on a bungalow in the Midlands. Jesus.

Liz: No worries, I know! it's mental. There's also a larger version that costs upwards of $20k

BD: 20k? We now have ourselves a deposit on a 1-bedroom house in the Midlands. Mental.

BD: Ok, so what’s your least favorite name for a vagina?

 Liz: My least favorite term for the female genitalia has to be pussy. It makes my skin crawl. I'm most comfortable with biological terms such as vulva and vagina, or the word cunt.

 BD: I feel the same way you do about the word pussy towards the term “willy” it makes me dry retch, especially when used by a fully-grown male. Ok, Final question now, how do you feel about pineapple on pizza?

 Liz: Hahaha I get that too! What's worse is 'doodle' which is a very childish term you sometimes hear in Australia. My favorite kind of pizza is Hawaiian so I'm team pineapple!

 BD: Liz, Thank you, so much, this has been educational, informative and you have been fucking delightful!

 Liz: Thank you, too! What a fulfilling conversation!

 BD: What’s the time over in Australia now?

 Liz: 5:14am.

 BD: I’m so sorry.

 

32 - Illustrator - Introduction To Karate Certificate Holder.